


You can talk to me

by Yougaythen



Category: Ballum, EastEnders
Genre: A mention of paul, Slight angst with mostly fluff, but mainly just memories of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yougaythen/pseuds/Yougaythen
Summary: After the incident in Ruby’s Ben remembers the impact that Paul’s attack had on him and Callum allows him to talk about it.
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	You can talk to me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little continuation of what could have happened after Fridays ep (8/1/21)

The moment it happened the time stood still, the immediate shock paired with the way that past events had happened. The memories of Paul’s attack flashing through his eyes and suddenly he was there shouting at Frankie to get off, Callum immediately noticing the signs and physically moving her off of the man who was led on the floor. 

“Ben just go” Callum tells him, the fear rising on his face and Callum knew exactly what this was, the flashbacks of Paul there in his head. “No I need to stay, for her” he gestured towards Frankie half smile not fully knowing what the outcome would be. 

As soon as they were done at the station Callum drove them home, the silence that filled the car was full of emotion, neither of them wanting to say anything to the other. Callum parked up where Ben left the car, heading inside and straight up the stairs knowing that if he didn’t he would end up in tears in the middle of the hallway and neither of them needed that. All he needed was alone time not Callum fussing over him. 

As soon as he was settled in his room he decided it was best he took his shoes and jacket off before laying down on the bed, pulling part of the duvet up to his face and hiding in it. The soft smell of Callum filling his lungs. Sound of the door shutting downstairs was enough to make him jump, the mix of being slightly scared and knowing that meant Callum was going to come looking for him just made him want to hide even more. 

Downstairs Callum pulls out a glass and fills it up, the cold running water running up and over his hands and the regret bubbling inside him. He knows he should have let Frankie off, she was just protecting them but deep inside he knew she would have got caught anyway. Pulling out the chair from under the table he sat down, pulling out his phone and sending a message to Ben letting him know that he was there if he needed him, respecting the space Ben needed to clear his head slightly and gather what he really wanted to say to him about it all. 

As soon as his phone pings back he heads up the stairs, the door going behind him, acknowledging that Phil had returned home “Babe” he called out, searching for wherever Ben had hid himself this time “in here” he sobbed, the tears fast falling down his face “don’t touch” he noted as Callum entered their bedroom, placing the water down on the side table and moving back from Ben, sliding down against the closed bedroom door, waiting for Ben to be ready to talk. 

“I’m sorry-” he choked out, “what happened in there it reminded me of what happened in there and I overreacted I know but what else was I supposed to do, all I could see was him led there on the floor-” he stopped, bringing his shirt sleeves up to wipe at his eyes. He hated Callum seeing him like this, he was supposed to be the emotionless one not the one who broke down whenever a fight kicked off and a bit of homophobic language thrown around “all i could see was them kicking Paul and not being able to help, I didn’t know what to do or how to get her to stop and she didn’t even do anything wrong” he cries “can I” Callum asks, to which Ben nods. 

Callum gets up and sits on the opposite side of the bed to Ben, sinking down into the duvet “I’m sorry I had to take her in, but she would have been caught even if I hadn’t” Callum talks “I know just him, I know I have you but he was my first love that I was free to love and I can’t push that out of my mind” he holds the duvet closer shifting to turn to face Callum “he was my everything, he made me not feel lonely and he, he meant everything to me” “tell me” Callum smiles, hopeful that it may help to talk “you can talk to me about anything” he assures. “Well I don’t really know how it happened but we fell, and it was quick. No one knew about us to start with I was still with Abi and no one needed to know” he stops for a moment, gathering what he exactly wanted to say next “he left me his number in a magazine in the salon and from there things just went so quickly we had our first kiss in the park, just like us” he gestures between them, Callum remembering so clearly “he pinned me up against the little shop there and it felt incredible, part of me wished that I could have lived in that moment forever, you know, the excitement and uncertainty that it was so public and anyone could see yet it was fully us and only us. Funny to think now how similar you and him were” he forced out a smile “he was the first person who understood me and got me” he paused, emotions overtaking him again, “he was better at hiding us though, I mean you were pretty obvious” he laughs the memories of Paul hiding in the parlour with him and Callum well he knew that they could never be as well hidden. 

They sit in silence for a while, the knowing that the calm would ultimately calm Ben’s emotions down enough for them to talk properly again “the day that Pam found out it broke her, Paul was all she had left and for me I thought she would blame it all on me, it was my fault and yet she didn’t, she kept me as family. His shirt and a few of his things she let me keep, I have them in a box like you have Chris’s things, and sometimes when no one is around I get them out just to hold a little bit of him close” his eyes meeting with Callums and suddenly his body is pushing over into Callum‘s lap, hand meeting with his head the need for physical contact. “We’re not too different you know” Callum jokes, both of them having been through the pain and loss of a loved one. 

“I’ll never stop loving you no matter what people say” Callum assured “I love you too” Ben smiles, keeping his place on Callum hand perfectly intertwined in his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading as always kudos are appreciated!


End file.
